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02 October 2015 @ 11:57 am
Hey God,

Today I'm heading back to work, leaving vacation, and beginning the pursuit of what you have planned for me.  Let me fight the good fight in your name.  Let me endure all things.  Let me finish the race.  Lord be with me, hold me, protect me, lead me, and guide me.  You are my strength.  Without you, I do not have any energy, will, or desire to continue on this difficult path.  You have placed me into where I am in my life.  You have a purpose and a plan for me.  Give me ears to hear your voice.  Make me a good servant Lord.  Renew my heart and my mind to focus on you.  Lift my head upward so that all that I do here on this earth is to your glory, my heavenly father, who disciplines me because He loves me.  Give me your faith.  Lord, as I go forward through today, let me not worry about tomorrow.  You know the desires of my heart and the fear in my mind.  Take away the fear and make me bold.

This week, you know that I have to get so many things accomplished.  Please go before me and protect me.  Please give me a calm and sound mind.  Give me motivation to pursue the things you have placed before me.  If my God is for me, who can be against me.  Love me, take care of me, discipline me, mold me, and create a new me.  I love you Lord.  I am your servant, you are my God.

24 June 2015 @ 12:26 pm
As I continue to grow in life I find that I am constantly learning new things about myself.  I am in a constant state of growth and development and I continually need refinement.  In the first six months of marriage I have learned that the world doesn't really revolve around me (I didn't even realize I thought that before).  I have also learned that the words that come out of my mouth mean a whole lot of things that I never realized.  I wonder how many people I have hurt and offended with just the way I've chosen to speak throughout my life.  I find often that I'll say or do something, without any thought or intention, and suddenly I have really hurt another person and I have to take a step back and start asking the hard questions.  First, what did I say or do?  I am sorry.  Second, how can I better support you and love you?  How can I change?

Something very important that I am learning is how to control my emotions.  I always was aware, peripherally, that I was not the best at controlling my emotions.  I can be rather dramatic about the smallest thing and feel that my world is falling apart.  Once I've fallen into this emotional drama, its very difficult for me to resurface for a breath of air until I've calmed down.  This is most probably one of my unhealthiest attributes, not only for myself, but for all those I love around me too.  These riotous emotions are often fueled by anger, fear of abandonment, and outside stressors.  When I let myself embrace the anger and fear to protect myself from the unknown, I end up hurting myself and others.

What this all boils down to is that I want control.  I want to be the ruler of my life and I don't want any other influences to pressure me into doing what I don't want to do.  At the same time I want this control, I've realized that this control pushes people who love me away because I refuse to trust anyone else's judgment, except for my own.  I close in on myself and come to the decision that I know what's best for me and I'm going to take my life where I want to go and towards what feels comfortable.  This thought process is destructive and it brings death.

Romans 6:23 states, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

The only way that I can move forward into a life that is meanful and worth something, is to let my fear, anxiety, and anger go through continual and constant prayer.  Philippians 5:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  1 Thessalonians 5:17, "pray continually."  I have not been praying as I should be.  I have not been giving God all of the glory day in and day out.  I have not been putting God first in everything in my life.  Jesus Christ must be my Savior every single day if I am to "fight the good fight of faith" and take hold of eternal life, 1 Timothy 6:12.

Lord, My God, protect me from evil.  Make me holy and pleasing to you.  Create in me a new mind and a new heart.  Resurrect my soul from the dead and lead me onto your path of righteousness.  Guide my steps and shine your light through me.  Give me your direction and guidance.  I want your wisdom and not the knowledge of the world.  Men have known and lived and died.  I want to understand and grow and serve.  Teach me and make me moldable.  Teach me to love with the love you've promised to your people.  Lead me to be more like you, "Romans 12:20-21, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsy, give him something to drink; in doing this you will heap burning coals on his head.  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  Be first in my life, first in my marriage, take first of my earings, take first of my heart.  I love you because you first loved me.  Amen. 
19 January 2011 @ 04:43 pm
Yo, this is now a friends only journal and if your interested in getting to know me drop a comment stating the source you found my journal from and I'll friend ya back.  I like meeting new people.

Be aware: 1) this journal is personal and is not fanfiction related, 2) I swear sometimes, 3) I'm a little rough around the edges, 4) I'm slightly nutters, and 5) I smoke cigars, drink whiskey, run half-marathons, shoot pistols&rifles, and will very soon be studying for my masters while working full time.

To whom it may concern -- I work full time and any stories I currently have planned or have started writing and are not finished are still in the process of working and reworking.

Trading Yesterday is in the process of being rewritten/edited by my favorite/only sister elle_blessing.  Believe it or not, I even have a few chapters done that are not posted...but those need some editing too.  It'll probably be a while before I actually finish, but eventually I will finish, if not for the readers (sorry guys!) then for myself.  I just want to make sure I put something out that's been completely worked at all angles and has the best flow/read.  Sorry for the looong wait.

Take care all!

Current Mood: awakeawake
09 December 2005 @ 04:18 pm
Cimmie died.

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We love you Cimoan!

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: None
04 July 2005 @ 01:20 pm
Hello all, agian, I just did a drabble for HP100 check it out!

Current Mood: creativecreative
04 July 2005 @ 09:25 am
I'm not really sure on what I am doing today.. But I asure you it is somthing! I'm pretty sure that I am going swimming at one point or another... But I am not sure who I am going with... hmm... choices choices... last night I baby sat my niece for 20 bucks. Pretty sweet.

You want to know something that sucks major butt!! I have to work on the weekend Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince comes out. NOT COOL!! I have been leaving that weekend open for months and now I have a job to do.... whaaaaaahhhh!! I want to cry!!!

Also tomorrow I am haveing my first High school soccer practice. I talked to the coach and she said that it is to keep everyone in shape.... Hello!! I am in GREAT shape... all I hope is that we don't run to much cause I do enough of that as it is...grrr...

Ok well, I will update you all on what happens later today. Have a super independance day!


Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: She Fucking Hates Me ~ Puddle of Mud (he he he)
28 June 2005 @ 08:28 pm
Wow...ran way too much today. Lets see I went out for an hour and did agility work with my sis. Then I had to go for an hour of training with my soccer trainer. Hard work it was today since sister did it with me. It was fun! Ok, then, did another hour of running with sis..then had to do another hour of agility work with soccer team. This was one hell of a day....soooo f-ing tired.

Oh and Elle, don't say I told you so!

Hope you all had a good day. Nighty night....
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Baptize Me ~ The Exies
26 June 2005 @ 06:37 pm
Well, really I am just talking for the heck of it. Almost done with the book I started yesterday...finished chores for the day...practiced driving for eighty minutes...still need to study for drivers test tomorrow...yup pretty much it.

Rock on!

Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: Reliant k
25 June 2005 @ 02:20 pm
Well, I haven't been on in a while. Hey give me a break! It's summer! And I am being lazy. Well, at least with this.

Ok...lets see what have I been up to? Alright, I have been playing soccer three time a week with my soccer team, gone running on off days and played soccer with my sis, read a couple books my sister gave me to read, and cleaned my room...yuk! I'm going out to play some more soccer in about half an hour..just finished another book ten minutes ago. Got bored checked my mail and am about ready to pick up another book and start reading it.

Oh did I tell you I started drivers ed this last week. One word 'boring' I had my first drive yesterday I passed quite nicely. Hmm...Also school soccer is starting super early on july 5. Got the memo from Amanda. Well, thats pretty much it.

Keep rocking the summer away!

Current Mood: enthralledDazziling
Current Music: N'sinc (Awkward)
15 June 2005 @ 11:32 am
Throw your hands around like ya just don't carE!!!

I'M A JUNIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love ya all!

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Shania Twain